老外總結華人的六十個特徵

（感谢 Donald 转寄电邮）


十分有趣！
真是當局者迷，旁觀者清。
是一種文化特性，可能對，也可能不對！
你被說中了幾條？


老外總結華人的六十個特徵

1. 熟人見面打招呼時不問好, 而是問"吃飽了嗎?"

2. 喜歡吃雞腳。

3. 吃魚時會吸魚頭和魚鰭。

4. 車子後視鏡上會吊中國擺設。

5. 喜歡唱卡拉OK。

6. 房子舖的是瓷磚。

7. 廚房覆蓋著一層厚厚的油脂。

8. 爐子上面有鋁箔。

9. 遙控器外面包著塑料。

10. 從沒吻過你父母。

11. 從沒抱過你父母。

12. 小學五年級開始就戴眼鏡了。

13. 睡醒後頭髮會豎起來。

14. 會為一些不可置疑的事情辯論。

15. 喜歡用折價券。

16. 為了最便宜的汽油費不惜開著車子到處找。

17. 每天總是到了晚上才洗澡。

18. 旅店房間裡的非免費食品都絕不吃。

19. 如果是男人, 那麼身上的體毛比大多數女人少。

20. 別人為他倒茶時, 他表示感謝的方式是用手指敲一下桌子。

21. 表示感嘆時經常說"哎(第二聲)呀(第四聲)"和"哇(第四聲) "。

22. 開車或坐在副駕駛座乘車時不喜歡繫安全帶, 因為繫安全帶讓他感覺不舒服和麻煩。

23. 喜歡拉斯維加斯、老虎機和二十一點。

24. 廚房桌子上總是有一條濕呼呼的抹布。

25. 就餐時習慣把骨頭和其他咬碎吐在桌子上。

26. 電冰箱時常會存著很久以前放進去的食物。

27. 廚房裡有洗碗機, 但從來沒用過它。

28. 把洗碗機當碗櫥。

29. 特別喜歡用熱水瓶, 而且每個熱水瓶裡面永遠裝滿熱水。

30. 雖然有餐廳, 但卻總是喜歡在廚房用餐。

31. 會在餐桌上當著眾人剔牙, 並且用手遮著嘴。

32. 坐在書桌旁時, 經常會下意識地轉動手中的鉛筆或圓珠筆。

33. 冰箱裡時常存有三口剩飯、一隻雞翅或數塊乳腐。

34. 喜歡把果醬瓶、雀巢咖啡瓶當水杯用。

35. 有收集旅館免費洗髮水瓶子和牙刷、小木梳的嗜好。

36. 即使外出十五分鐘也會帶上零食：話梅、橄欖、乾芒果或烤魷魚等。

37. 做飯前, 總是要將米淘洗2-3遍以上, 理由是必須將黴菌去除乾淨。

38. 烹調菜餚羹湯和調制飲料酒水時從來不用量杯。

39. 只用筷子打雞蛋, 從來不用打蛋器。

40. 在家喝茶總是用一個帶蓋的茶杯。

41. 總是在電話簿裡找電話號碼, 因為諮詢電話要支付五角費用。

42. 喜歡古裝武打片和其他中國功夫片。

43. 平時和節慶假日期間從不為了問聲好而給父母發短信。

44. 如果他因事離家外出或平時同父母分居, 他的父母會打電話問你吃了嗎, 就算半夜12點也不例外。

45. 當他病了的時候, 他的父母會叮囑不要吃油炸和烤製的食品, 因為會上火！

46. 經常利用工作時間和工作單位的電腦炒股、 瀏覽與工作無關的網頁和無聊的信息, 或者給親友發送電子郵件和網聊。

47. 吃自助餐之前先先把自己餓個半死。

48. 想方設法打聽哪裡可以買到打折的家用電器、珠寶或服飾、化妝品。

49. 把用過的可樂瓶收藏起來以備他用。

50. 收藏鐵釘、螺帽、廢舊電線等五金電器零件, 以備修理家用器具之需。

51. 每管牙膏無論貴賤, 一定要擠淨用完, 非擠到紙一樣薄不可。

52. 中秋節一定要吃含有高油脂、高糖份的月餅。

53. 當廁紙臨時降價時, 會搶購買100多卷囤在櫥櫃裡。

54. 即使已經吃飽了, 但是當別人要把剩下的菜倒掉時, 還會努力把它吃掉。

55. 夏天喜歡吃紅豆冰棒或綠豆冰棒, 捨不得吃刨冰。

56. 愛好吃苦瓜。

57. 拜訪別人時會帶著水果。

58. 餐後爭著搶著付帳單。

59. 選學的專業往往是實用型的, 如計算機、機械、財會或法律。

60. 即使到了三十歲還和父母住在一起, 或者已經結婚成家了, 還住在父母隔壁或同一個鄰區, 而父母也喜歡他這樣。

Incredible images of waves

(Courtesy of forwarded email from Donald)

These are awesome!

This photographer is from Oahu, but he is gaining international fame. He's a surfer himself and often gets wiped out just getting the shot, and you can see why!

These incredible images of waves were taken by the number one photographer of surf… Clark Little.

He has dedicated his life to photographing the waves and has published a selection of the best images of his career. He captures magical moments inside the "tube," as surfers say.

Sun... glints off wave

 Sand... in surf

 

 Tubular... shining

 

Beach... surf crashes down

Molten... liquid gold

Splash... stunning shot

Red... mysterious shot

 Break... wave crashes down

What a Magical Wave!

三件事

（感谢 Francis 转寄电邮）

Typing Errors

(Courtesy of forwarded email from Francis)


A daughter sent a telegram (sent via postman) to her father on passing her B.Ed exams, which the father received as "Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."


A husband, while on a business trip to a hill station sent a telegram (someone did this) to his wife, "I wish you were here."

The message received by the wife was "I wish you were her.."


A man wanted to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party.
So he ordered a birthday cake in a cake shop. The salesman asked him what message he wanted put on the cake.
He thought for a moment and said, put "Getting older but you are getting better".
The salesman asked "How do you want me to put it?"
The man said 'Well...put "You are getting older" at the top and "But you are getting better" at the bottom.'

When the cake was unveiled at the party all the guests were aghast at the message on the cake.
It reads "You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom"


Moral of the Story:(We are all guilty one time or another!)

1. Double proof read everything before you send.
2. Don't trust others to write it right for you.
3. Don't order anything esp cakes by telephone.

New Technology you will be impressed

(Courtesy of forwarded email from Francis)


An American, a Japanese, and a Singh were sitting naked in the sauna.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at him questioningly.

"That's my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear.

When he finished he explained, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.

The Singh felt low-tech and inferior. He didn't know what to do to be as impressive as the American & the Japanese. He decided to take a break in the toilet. When he returned, he didn't realize that there was a piece of toilet paper got stuck and hanging from his ass.

The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?" Instead of being embarrassed, inspiration struck his mind.

The Singh explained, "I'm getting a FAX."

Are computers Male or Female?

(Courtesy of forwarded email from Francis)


A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and  
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Send this to all the smart women you know...and all the men that have a sense of humor.

5 simple rules to be happy 快乐的五个简单常规

(Courtesy of forwarded email from Francis)